THOSE OF YOU FAMILIAR WITH NCIC HIT REQUESTS AND RESPONSES KNOW HOW FRUSTRATING IT CAN BE WHEN YOU ARE WAITING FOR A WARRANT TO BE FAXED FROM ANOTHER AGENCY. THE PATIENCE YOU HAVE TO HOLD FOR YOUR UNIT, WHO IS ALREADY AT THE DETENTION CENTER WAITING ON THE WARRANT TO BE SENT THEIR WAY.
AS WE JOURNEY THROUGH THIS TALE OF TREACHERY OF NOT BEING HELD ACCOUNTABLE, WE DISCOVER THAT WARRANTS DON’T MAGICALLY WALK AWAY FROM A FAX MACHINE OR APPEAR OUT OF THIN AIR – THOUGH JUDGING BY THE WAIT TIMES, YOU’D THINK THEY WERE ON VACATION. AND LET ME TELL YOU, I AM BIG ON ONE OF THE “9 PRINCIPLES OF DIRECT SUPERVISION” THAT I LEARNED IN A PREVIOUS LIFE. ESPECIALLY OWNERSHIP OF OPERATIONS, EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION, AND COMPETENT STAFF. THE LATTER OF WHICH…WELL, LET’S JUST SAY THE DEFINITION GETS A LITTLE WARPED IN CERTAIN CENTERS.
PICTURE THIS: I WAS WORKING A CHANNEL THAT, AT THE TIME, WAS UNFAMILIAR TO ME THANKS TO A RECENT CONSOLIDATION OF JURISDICTIONS. IT WAS A MID-DAY SHIFT, CRAMMED INTO A CENTER ALREADY SUFFOCATING UNDER RENOVATIONS IN TWO DIFFERENT CORNERS. AMONG THE MIX WAS ONE NEWLY INTEGRATED STAFF MEMBER FROM ANOTHER DISTRICT, DOING THEIR BEST TO EARN ACCEPTANCE AND TRUST. AS YOU’LL FIND OUT LATER, THAT EFFORT DIDN’T EXACTLY GO AS PLANNED.
AS I WORKED THROUGH MY SHIFT, RUNNING RADIO TRAFFIC, ANSWERING PHONES, AND DODGING CO-WORKERS IN A TIGHT SPACE, I HAVE AN OFFICER WHO HAS CHECKED OUT AT A TRAFFIC STOP. THE STOP WENT SMOOTHLY UNTIL…MY OFFICER REQUESTS AN NCIC CHECK ON THE DRIVER. AS I RUN THE DRIVER’S INFORMATION INTO THE MAGICAL GOVERNMENT VENDING MACHINE OF SECRETS, OUT POPS THE SURPRISE: THE SUBJECT IN QUESTION HAD THE PRIZE OF A WARRANT THAT WAS VALID AND EXTRADITABLE. COLLECT YOUR PRIZE AT THE NEAREST DETENTION FACILITY. NORMAL STUFF, RIGHT? NCIC HIT REQUESTS ARE SENT, CONFIRMATION COMES BACK. THE OFFICER OUT WITH THE SUBJECT GETS THE UPDATE. THEY ASK FOR THE WARRANT BE SENT OVER – EMAIL, FAX, WHICHEVER WAY THE JAIL PREFERS. NO BIG DEAL. NOTHING UNUSUAL. AT LEAST…NOT YET.
SO, LOCATE FOR THE SUBJECT IS SENT TO THE AGENCY HOLDING THE WARRANT – OUR WAY OF CONFIRMING WE’VE GOT THE PRIZE WEARING SHINY BRACELETS AND ARE CHAUFFEURING THEM TO THE NEAREST DETENTION FACILITY. MINUTES TICK BY. STILL NO WARRANT. AND YES, THE FAX MACHINE IS DEFINITELY WORKING, BECAUSE IT JUST PRINTED A REMINDER ABOUT CLEANING THE TONER DRUM FIVE MINUTES PRIOR. SO NOW IT’S TIME TO PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL THE AGENCY THAT HOLDS THE GOLDEN TICKET – THAT ONE LITTLE PIECE OF PAPER THAT DECIDES IF SOMEONE GETS A RIDE HOME OR A RESERVED SEAT BEHIND BARS FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE.
IN CONTACT WITH THE AGENCY, THEY VERBALLY CONFIRM THAT THE WARRANT WAS ALREADY SENT OVER. GREAT, I’LL GO CHECK THE FAX MACHINE AGAIN…THE MACHINE HAS NOT BIRTHED THE DOCUMENT NEEDED FOR MY OFFICER TO BOOK THEIR SUBJECT. NO WORRIES, I’LL JUST WAIT A FEW MORE MINUTES. AFTER ALL, I CAN’T EXACTLY THROW STONES HERE – I’VE BEEN THAT PERSON WHO GOT TOO BUSY AND FORGOT TO SEND A WARRANT ONCE OR TWICE MYSELF.
MINUTES CRAWL BY, AND MY OFFICER’S DEMAND FOR THAT WARRANT IS REACHING A FULL BOIL. I’LL CHECK THE FAX AGAIN…NOTHING. EMPTY TRAY, MOCKING ME. SO I CALL BACK THE AGENCY STILL GUARDING THE GOLDEN TICKET THAT DECIDES WHO GETS ADMITTED TO LOCKUP. THE OPERATOR INSISTS THE PAPERWORK HAS BEEN SENT – SAYS THEY EVEN HAVE THE RECEIPTS. AT THIS POINT, I’M STARTING TO BELIEVE THE FAX MACHINE HAS FORMED AN UNHOLY ALLIANCE WITH THE WANTED SUBJECT, CONSPIRING THOUGH SOME PARANORMAL MEANS TO KEEP THAT WARRANT TRAPPED IN THE VOID.
COOL, NO WORRIES, I START WRAPPING UP WITH THE OPERATOR. BY NOW WE’RE ABOUT 45 MINUTES TO AN HOUR INTO THIS CIRCUS. I’VE CHECKED THE FAX MACHINE. MY COLLEAGUE – THE SAME ONE WE MENTIONED EARLIER – HAS ALSO “CHECKED” THE FAX MACHINE. WHILE THEY’RE LEANING OVER MY SHOULDER TRYING TO BE HELPFUL, I EVEN PULL UP THE SUBJECT’S NCIC/OLN RETURN TO SHOW THEM THAT WE’RE WORKING WITH. WHAT I SHOULD HAVE NOTICED RIGHT THEN WAS THE STACK OF PAPERS IN THEIR HAND…STRAIGHT FROM THE FAX MACHINE. DID THEY BOTHER TO MENTION THAT ONE OF THOSE PAPERS WAS THE WARRANT I’D BEEN WAITING ON THIS WHOLE TIME? NOPE. NOT A WORD. JUST STOOD THERE LIKE THEY WERE HOLDING THE ARK OF THE COVENANT AND DIDN’T THINK IT WAS WORTH SHARING.
AS I GOT UP FORM MY STATION FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME TO CHECK THE CURSED FAX MACHINE, I WAS ALSO BACK ON THE PHONE WITH THE AGENCY, PLEADING MY CASE: WE STILL HADN’T RECEIVED THE WARRANT. ONCE AGAIN, THEY SWORE IT HAD BEEN SENT – WAVING THEIR STACK OF FAX RECEIPTS LIKE HOLY SCRIPTURE. BUT THIS TIME, MY PATIENCE WAS GONE. MY VOICE CARRIED ANGER AND CONDEMNATION, BECAUSE AT THIS POINT, IT FELT LESS LIKE PAPERWORK AND MORE LIKE A HOSTAGE NEGOTIATION. MEANWHILE, MY POOR OFFICER WAS JUST AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER, CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A DISPATCH WAR THAT NEVER NEEDED TO BE FOUGHT.
AND FINALLY, THE LAST TIME I GET UP, CHECK THE DEMONIC MACHINE THAT ONLY ACCEPTS DOCUMENTS FOR THE OTHER DISPATCHERS ON SHIFT, I NOTICE THEM. ON A CHAIR. CENTER OF THE ROOM. SILENTLY GIGGLING AT ME AND MY MISERY. HOLDING ON TO EVERY FAXED DOCUMENT THE AGENCY HAS SENT OVER TO ADDRESSING ME AS THE RECIPIENT. AS SOON AS THE DISCOVERY IS MADE, IT’S SENT OVER TO THE OFFICER SO I CAN STOP HEARING THE DISAPPOINTMENT AND THE FRUSTRATION COMING THROUGH THE RADIO.
PROBLEM NUMBER ONE, SOLVED. THE SECOND? FIGURING OUT HOW THESE PAPERS DECIDED TO BECOME AUDIENCE MEMBERS AT MY SLOW-MOTION MELTDOWN. I START ASKING AROUND THE ROOM: WHO PLACED THE LONG-AWAITED, GRACE-TESTED DOCUMENTS HERE? WHO LET ME AND MY OFFICER SUFFER THROUGH AN HOUR OF RADIO SIGHS AND SECONDHAND DISAPPOINTMENT? THE ANSWER? NO ONE. APPARENTLY, THE PAPERS JUST MATERIALIZED ON THAT CHAIR ALL BY THEMSELVES – LIKE PARANORMAL EVIDENCE THAT THE FAX MACHINE HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR.
SO I TURN TO THE SHIFT SUPERVISOR AND ASK IF THEY’D BE KIND ENOUGH TO CATCH WHATEVER GHOST RETRIEVED THE DOCUMENTS FROM THE FAX MACHINE AND STAGED THEM SEMI-NEATLY ON THE EMPTY CHAIR. AFTER ALL, WE’D JUST WASTED AN HOUR CHASING A WARRANT THAT HAD TECHNICALLY BEEN IN THE ROOM THE WHOLE TIME. AND WOULDN’T YOU KNOW IT? THE CULPRIT TURNS OUT TO BE NONE OTHER THAN THE SAME COLLEAGUE WHO’D BEEN PEEKING OVER MY SHOULDER EARLIER, PAPERS IN HAND. YES, THAT ONE. THE SAME ONE WHO PUT THEM ON THE CHAIR LIKE A FORGOTTEN HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT AND THEN HAD THE AUDACITY TO HIT ME WITH A STRAIGHT-FACED “WASN’T ME.” YES. THAT ONE.
AFTER THE DISCOVERY, I HAD SOME DAMAGE CONTROL TO DO. CALLS HAD TO BE MADE – THE KIND LACED WITH MY MOST SINCERE APOLOGIES TO THE OPERATOR AND THE AGENCY WHO, SHOCKINGLY, WERE ONLY DOING THEIR JOB AS ADVERTISED. IMAGINE THEIR DELIGHT, AFTER ENDURING MY DISTRUST AND RESENTMENT FOR THE BETTER PART OF AN HOUR, TO FINALLY LEARN THE VILLAIN WASN’T THEIR FAX MACHINE…IT WAS MY COLLEAGUE AUDITIONING FOR THE ROLE OF SABOTEUR. NOTHING LIKE EATING A BIG PLATE OF HUMBLE PIE SERVED OVER A RECORDED LINE. THE OFFICER? EQUALLY DELIGHTED AND RELIEVED TO KNOW THAT OUR FAX MACHINE WAS IN WORKING ORDER.
DID I EVER BRING UP THE VIDEO EVIDENCE TO THAT ONE COLLEAGUE SO THEY COULD CLAIM RESPONSIBILITY? ABSOLUTELY NOT. INSTEAD, IT’S LIVED ON AS A LONG-RUNNING INSIDE JOKE. ANYTIME A WARRANT DRAGS ITS FEET, SOMEONE SMIRKS AND SAYS, “DID YOU CHECK THE CHAIR?” REMEMBER EARLIER WHEN I SAID I BELIEVE IN OWNERSHIP OF OPERATIONS, EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION, AND COMPETENT STAFF? YEAH…LET’S JUST SAY THIS INCIDENT PROVED THAT MY COLLEAGUE DOESN’T FOLLOW THE SAME RULES. AND SO, THE WHOLE FIASCO HAS BEEN CEMENTED AS ONE OF THOSE “YOU HAD TO BE THERE” SHIT-SHOWS THAT ONLY DISPATCH CAN PRODUCE.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
CHAIRS DON’T TALK, BUT APPARENTLY NEITHER DO COWORKERS WITH WARRANTS IN THEIR HANDS.
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