WITH THE MOST RECENT VISIT TO THE VET, CRUNCH WALKED IN WITH CONFIDENCE AND EXCITEMENT.  LIKE A SEASONED ACTION HERO WHO’S BEEN THROUGH S&*T.

THE ROOM WITH THE BRIGHT LIGHTS.  THE SCALE THAT BEEPED WITH JUDGMENT.  TAKING IT ALL IN WITH CALM CONFIDENCE OF A PUPPY WHO DID NOT KNOW WHAT WAS COMING…AND THAT’S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST.

THE GAUNTLET TRIALS:

TWO SHOTS.  NOT ONE.  TWO.

CRUNCH STANDING THERE, BRAVE AND STOIC, CHANNELING ALL HIS COURAGE HIS WHOLE TWELVE POUNDS COULD SUMMON.  THEN THE BRIEF MOMENT OF BETRAYAL WHEN THE NEEDLE APPEARED, BUT POWERED THROUGH LIKE A CHAMP.  NO DRAMA.  NO OSCAR-WORTHY PERFORMANCE.  JUST A SIDE-EYE LOOK OF “I’LL REMEMBER THIS.”

THEN THE MICROCHIP:

A PERMANENT UPGRADE IN A TINY DEVICE.  NOW BIO-HACKED.  CRUNCH IS OFFICIALLY TRACKABLE, RECOVERABLE, AND ONE STEP CLOSER TO BEING CLASSIFIED AS “HIGH-VALUE EQUIPMENT.”

ENJOYABLE?  HELL NO.

SURVIVED?  WITH HONOR.

THE SNACK REDEMPTION:

JUST AS IT SEEMED LIKE THE UNIVERSE BETRAYED HIM AND WAS BEYOND REPAIR, THE SNACKS ARRIVED.  LIKE A SLOT MACHINE JACKPOT, CRUNCH’S EYES LIT UP.  THE TRAUMA WAS GONE.  THE TAIL ONCE AGAIN WAS AT FULL OPERATIONAL SPEED.  EVERY SHOT, POKE, AND QUESTIONABLE LIFE CHOICE MADE IN THAT EXAM ROOM WAS INSTANTLY FORGIVEN.

SNACKS FIX MANY THINGS: SCIENCE FACTS.

THEN THE BILL:

FEELING TEN POUNDS HEAVIER WITH TREATS AND PRIDE, CRUNCH WALKED OUT OF THE EXAM ROOM.  BUT FOR HIS OWNER, TEN POUNDS LIGHTER IN HIS WALLET. 

HE GOT THE BRAVERY POINTS, THE IMMUNITY BOOSTS, AND LIFELONG IDENTIFICATION.

I GOT THE RECEIPT LENGTHY ENOUGH TO BE HIS NEXT BED TIME STORY.

CRUNCH’S REACTION, “THAT SOUNDS LIKE A YOU PROBLEM.”

THE FINAL VERDICT WAS CLEAR:

BRAVE UNDER PRESSURE.

SNACK CONNOISSEUR.

FULLY VACCINATED AND MICROCHIPPED.

ZERO CONCERN FOR FINANCIAL CONSEQUENCES.

CRUNCH MAY NOT HAVE LOVED THE SHOTS.  HE DEFINITELY LOVED THE SNACKES.  AND HE WILL NEVER, EVER UNDERSTAND WHY THE HUMAN WAS SIGHING SO HARD IN THE PARKING LOT AFTERWARD.

WORTH IT?  WITH EVERY SINGLE PAWSTEP.